Calling Her the Next Day

Lori, hi. I just wanted to thank you again for last night. It was… surprising. And wonderful. You looked amazing. Dinner was great. I loved our conversation. I just felt such a connection, you know? I hope you did, too. I loved our little walk to your place – all those stars. And then, at your place – you know – the way we....

Well, anyway, it was just perfect. I loved it, all of it. I left your place this morning still tingling, like the whole world was vibrating. All the way home I kept thinking: it doesn’t get much better than this, you know? All the rest of my life I could spend trying to recapture that kind of perfect moment. Maybe I could be that completely happy again someday; maybe I could even be a little bit happier – but I can’t imagine it would be by much. The other thing I kept thinking was: I can die right now. It kept going on and on in my head: I can die right now, I can die right now….

So when I got home, I decided… that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Cash it in, check out, get out while I’m on top. I hope I’m not freaking you out, I really don’t mean to do that. And it’s nothing you did – or it’s everything you did, but in a good way, you know? I just want to make sure you know it’s not your fault. There is no fault. This is a good thing.

And it’s not as if this is coming out of the blue. All my life, I’ve been determined to eventually end things on my terms. I’ve always been ready, I’ve always been prepared. I’ve even planned how to do it. It’ll be quick, and painless, and – not messy. Like falling asleep. All my affairs are in order; they’ve always been in order. So, again, don’t worry about this being anything bad.

God, I really hope I’m not freaking you out. I thought about not calling you at all, but I couldn’t go without thanking you. So, thank you. From the bottom of me heart. And I wish you all the best. I hope you live a long and happy life. I hope you have a life full of moments like what I felt last night, like what you made me feel last night.

Take care.

(February 2013)